Today, I stopped my car by the roadside just to look in the mirror, to see the redness in my eyes and the contorted expression that must have puzzled passersby only moments before. Since dawn, I’ve been unable to stop thinking about you. You’ve left a surge of emotions in my mind, too vast to fit within this small frame of humanity.
What is it that you do, that as time passes, I feel more childlike in your presence? What makes a man like me suddenly weep, shout, and laugh in the middle of the street, apparently insane from head to toe? Those who have seen me driving, bursting into laughter with tears streaming down my face, must think I’ve lost my mind. If only they knew it was true and that I never want to be cured! This madness is my joy, these moments my very life.
What is it about your Name that resonates as deeply within me as it does around me? I can’t hear it without a profound stirring in my soul! I knew you, felt you, and understood you in my childhood, and your voice was so clear that ignoring you was never an option. The years have passed, and each day you feel closer, more tangible. Is it time maturing my understanding, softening my perspectives to know you better? Or is it my spirit growing as my flesh weakens, like a foreigner and pilgrim longing to return home?
What do you possess, that even when all around me is dry, your whisper sounds like cascades of abundant waters? How do you affect my senses, that I can almost describe your fragrance and the feel of your touch? After all, your hand is a place I know intimately. I’ve been cradled there so often, shaped there for so long!
You have defined who I am and what I yearn for. Without you, my life would be empty; I rely on you to define my identity, on your promises to keep moving forward. My strength and ambitions are insufficient. Many philosophers might pity me, labeling me spiritually poor or delusionally codependent. If only they knew that you are my glory, the one who lifts my head! If only they realized that I am yours, and you are mine, that I desire nothing beyond you, and your voice is the only one I seek! Even your silence is like music, a refreshing breeze for my soul.
What do you have, that my love for you never fades? What is in your Name that dims everything else, rendering what once seemed crucial as insignificant? What is in your breath, your water, and your fire, that sparks life in me where there were only dry bones?
What do you have, Jesus, that stirs this fervent desire to love you, to please you, and to know you? If only you knew that worshipping you is my ultimate dream, and giving you glory my sole desire! I dedicate to you my harvest, my years, my vigor, and the remnants of my youth. The best of me, my talents, all that you once bestowed upon me, I return to you, magnified. I offer you my joy, my most heartfelt song, and my brightest smile.