What Do You Have?

Today I pulled my car over to the side of the road just to look in the mirror. I wanted to see the redness in my eyes, the contorted expression that must have puzzled the people who passed me moments before.

Since dawn I have not been able to stop thinking about You. You have stirred a surge of emotion in me, too vast to fit inside this small frame of humanity.

What is it You do, that the more time passes, the more I feel like a child in Your presence? What makes a grown man like me suddenly weep, shout, and laugh in the middle of the street, looking insane from head to toe? Anyone who has seen me driving, bursting into laughter with tears streaming down my face, must think I have lost my mind.

If only they knew it is true, and that I never want to be cured. This madness is my joy. These moments are my life.

What is it about Your Name that resonates so deeply in me? I cannot hear it without something stirring in my soul. I knew You, felt You, understood You in my childhood, and Your voice was so clear that ignoring You was never really an option. Years have passed, and with each one You feel closer, more tangible. Is it time maturing my understanding? Is it my spirit growing as my flesh grows weaker, like a foreigner and a pilgrim aching to return home?

What do You possess, that even when everything around me is dry, Your whisper sounds like cascades of abundant water? How do You touch my senses so deeply that I could almost describe Your fragrance and the feel of Your hand? After all, Your hand is a place I know. I have been cradled there so often, shaped there for so long.

You have defined who I am and what I long for. Without You, my life would be hollow. My own strength and ambitions are not enough to carry me. Some philosophers might pity me and call me spiritually poor, or hopelessly dependent. If only they knew that You are my glory and the One who lifts my head. If only they understood that I am Yours, and You are mine.

Even Your silence becomes music to me, a breeze for my soul.

What do You have, that my love for You never fades? What is in Your Name that dims everything else, making what once seemed urgent feel so small? What is in Your breath, Your water, and Your fire, that brings life to the places in me where there were only dry bones?

What do You have, Jesus, that awakens this desire to love You, please You, and know You?

If only You knew that worshiping You is my greatest dream. But of course You know. So I give You my harvest, my years, my strength, and the last of my youth. The best of me, my talents, everything You once placed in my hands, I hand back to You. I offer You my joy, my deepest song, and my brightest smile.